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What Am I - Part 1

I never know myself. The only thing I understand about myself is, I am a good follower. What a shame. I am this type who don't have much creativity. I am that kid who's really easy to be influenced. But don't fret it, at least I knew it since I was kid. Maybe I know myself too well so I could fake everyone -me included- so well. I'm a good copier. I can't draw but I made myself drawings. I literally copied some Disney characters on a magazine in a sheet of paper, making it as identical as possible. Then I sold it to my friends. It was when I was 6 by the way. I'm so easy to be influenced. In another words, I am that wishy washy kid. I had no principal, neither a clear definition of myself. So I shelter me with my surroundings. I always look for a good surrounding, good in terms of value in family culture and social peers at every stage of life I had. I am so picky for my friend circle. I hate people with sophisticated life and the ones with arrogance, thus becau...
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Dealing with Failure

I had this interesting talks with my friend today. I told him how my work interview went not so good. I think I messed it. But I just said to him, " Yeah if it's not for me, then it's not for me. Maybe I'll go get something else ". He was a lil bit surprised hearing my response. He asked "Why is it so easy for you to say that? Some people would just become so upset after their hard work isn't paid off, especially when they put 100% effort and thought at it" I stop for a moment. Hmmm honestly it's also never been easy for me too, but guess I have changed? I finally said, "I think there are a lot of things in this world happened by other cause, not because of us. Something that we can't control. There are things that we aren't capable to push, simply because it's not our part / job to do it. We can't control everything. I for example, can't control what the interviewer think of me. Maybe it's not because I'm lack of...
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Reflection

Today I feel so content. I feel loved, despite all the bittersweet pills I've swollen, Allah still loves me. I believe to this saying there’s nothing such a coincidence. Nggak ada satupun hal di dunia ini yang terjadi karena kebetulan. Semua saling bersinggungan yang punya maksud masing-masing. Punya makna masing-masing. Ibarat sebuah kanvas, meskipun goresannya hanya setitik, tetap akan jadi bagian penting sebuah gambar yang menjadikan kamu unik untuk dilihat. Setelah dipikir-pikir, ada banyak hal dalam hidup gue yang keliatannya impossible. Tapi kalau diusahakan tiba-tiba jadi possible . Ada banyak keinginan dan doa gue yang, entah gimana caranya dikasih jalan sama Tuhan. Seakan dunia tahu kemana hati kecil dan do’a gue membawa. Semuanya, literally semuanya, nggak ada yang kebetulan.  I still remember how frustrated I was when I first have to pay some money for my departure to Thailand, my prior experience to live abroad. I was so pissed by the fact that my family couldn’t affor...
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